she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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