i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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