Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
