life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She said her name was "party"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
