Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so let's talk penis.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
