I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
