I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dick very happy bro
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
