Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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