grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
