I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
