i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
