The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
