Non-Jews are for practice
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
