The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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