2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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