We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
