it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
