when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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