Don't make out with my wife yet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
