Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
