I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize