Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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