Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
