My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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