so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
