Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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