You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
