So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
