Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
