I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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