she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize