I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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