hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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