I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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