I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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