That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
