i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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