it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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