mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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