He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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