dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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