Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
