I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
