Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
