I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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