i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
