I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
