Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
