Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
