My sheets look like a crime scene.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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