i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this boner is exhausting
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
