i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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