i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
