D3 body, D1 cock
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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