im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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