i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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