porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
