Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
