i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
