Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
