Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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