i think my tv is drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
