you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
