I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
