operation harelip BJ is a go
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
