I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
