We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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