how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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