i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
