All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
