booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
