I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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