how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
