he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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